Bummer. I am growing up!

Each day that passes me by I've learnt to stop depending on other people. I really am trying to focus on the reality that is life. Nothing is ever set in stone and our world is an ever changing dose of reality that sometimes just stinks(for lack of a better term).

Today at work I learned that the schedule I was promised doesn't exist. Since my options are limited I have committed to talking with my manager to see if we can work something out that benefits me as well as the company.

The World continues to rotate on its axis and I sometimes find myself daydreaming about today. How did I get where I am. I mean. Seriously? Marriage, births, deaths, work, no work, and here I am. Still trucking along pretending that I am an adult in this very grown up world. However, I feel oblivious to what the Hell or where the Hell I am and how I got here.

Please don't attempt to speculate that I am depressed or unhappy with where life has taken me. I totally am not(at least not anymore). I am in constant awe of the beauty that is my life. The beauty of watching our daughter develop through the stages of life and the surreal feeling that I am her mother. I am still in shock that two daughters later that, me, Lisa, is a Mom.

Zoey's death is a reminder of just how oblivious I am. Some days I cannot believe we're approaching the 3 year mark since her death- other's it seems like an eternity since I last felt her skin.

When you speak with an elder it's assumed that I know nothing. I used to think that was a degrading comment, but in reality it's the truth. At 27 life is merely smacking me in the face. The twist and turns of an unexpected ride. 27 seems SO old to me- yet 18 seems SO young.

Sometimes I wonder if I knew now what I didn't know then- how different would my life would be. Who knows, right? I guess that's why in this crazy life there are no second chances-Take the experiences you've learned with and utilize them in future situations.

Crazy. I'm 27, married, a Mommy. I've seen things I've never imagined I'd ever see. Still dreaming of things I want to see. And the Lord and the World continue to hold my fate. Again! It's surreal!