Christmas Fun

We had a great Christmas. It was perfect; we had lots of food, family and friends, and all and all great times.

Kenzie loved playing Dance, Dance revolution on the Wii. Notice that her "dancer" is in the red, meaning she isn't some dancing prodigy that was capable of keeping up with the arrows. We went out to dinner and it was rather chaotic. A little less than I had expected since she enjoyed her portable DVD player that Duane and I bought for her. It's an awesome toy.

She was REALLY into opening presents this year. It came out of nowhere and she even opened other peoples presents. The child has more new toys than I have room for.

She had a great Christmas eve; She stayed up far too late laughing with family. She proceeded to pass out on our couch after her bath.

It was a great Christmas. I almost forgot how fun Christmas was until you can see in the eyes of your child. So humble and appreciative of every single gift. Hoping everyone was as blessed as us this year.

McKenzie: You're two years old!!

Two-years ago you came screaming into our lives. From the moment we heard those first cries we realized how blessed we were. You have restored our hope, our faith, and taught us more about life than your two-year old brain can even comprehend.

You're feisty, stubborn, and beautiful. You're the reason I wake up every morning. The reason I bring myself into a job that I don't particularly love. You're the reason for every life decision Daddy and I make. Over the last few months you've grown leaps and bounds. Learned more things that my mind can fathom. You're able to sing your ABC's up to G. You often stop at the H to sing, "Happy, Happy, Happy!" You make us, Happy, happy, happy! You're talking a TON. New words come daily now. You're favorite word is Candy. Daddy and I often laugh when you say, Cannny! It's super cute.

You're potty-training and doing better than I could have expected. You're almost completely trained at home and we're working on taking you out without accidents. You love wearing your Elmo panties and one of your first "real" sentences was, "I peeped on Elmo!" Elmo doesn't appreciate you soaking him, but we all found it pretty hysterical.

You've perfected the two-year old temper fit. You know what you want and how it's supposed to happen. If it doesn't, you protest. It often reminds me of something straight out of the exorcist, but we try to remain optimistic that this is your way of spreading your wings. You're probably the most independent child I have ever seen. This is a GOOD trait and I find my self reminding myself that God's grace is sufficient.

You're still OBSESSED with Yo Gabba Gabba. You also LOVE Elmo. You ask for them all the time. You're not particularly impressed with Sesame Street in general, but your eyes LIGHT up when Elmo appears. I'll never understand how this little red creature with a lisp attracts toddlers so much, but he does.

You sing, "Wiggle Wiggle Wiggle and Freeze" about a hundred times a day. There is something about that cast of characters that enthrals you. I have to admit, I find it oddly entertaining.

You're still hanging onto your paci. Despite what the world might say about you being too old for it, we're not ready to let this go quite yet. This is one of those shocker Mom moments for me. I'd never assume that I would have a two-year old with a pacifier. But something about that thing manages to calm you in your fits and helps you peacefully slip into a slumber.

You love it.

I still cannot believe I am here. Two years later. My life has changed SO drastically from where we were before your arrival. I cannot imagine life without your sweet soul in it. For every hard, trying, moment I try to remind myself of that.

I love you. More than I can even wrap my mind around. You test our patience daily, but without that you wouldn't be you. The world is your palette sweet girl. Paint your dreams and never let anyone tell you to change. As adults we often try to adapt to what others find "typical." There is nothing typical about you. You're perfection. You're my Sun on a rainy day. I am blessed to be able to call you my daughter. Happy, Happy, Birthday Sweet Girl.

Love you to the Moon and Back,

Mommy

Singing....

Kenzie singing her ABC's up to G. :)

Just keep walking, Lady!

We took Kenzie to have her two year old photos done this evening. They came out great and my wallet can contest to that! Anyhow, my sister came an hour later while we were viewing ours to have her family portraits done(those came out great,too)!

Kenzie had enough. She had NO nap today(though she did wake late) and started throwing a HUGE fit inside the photo studio. I walked her outside, tried timeout, and NOTHING was working. I took her outside, but realized it was a smoke factory out there so I moved back in, in a quiet corner, no stores nearby.
I put her down.. let her have her fit(on the ground, kicking, screaming, etc). Informed her that once she stopped crying we could go back in. JUST as she was at the end of her fit, this old woman with a toddler in the stroller rolls by. Loudly she says, "ATTENTION: TEMPER FIT AT WESTSHORE MALL!" What???

She proceeds to talk to my kid, explaining proper behavior, etc. I bit my tongue for a few seconds- and she proclaims.. "You see my Grandson here... He's not even three yet- see how well behaved he is being... Not like you.. You're not a princess.. You're a BAD girl!" That was it... I had it.. Lady- I am already annoyed with how my kid is acting.. and you're the icing on the cake. Sad to say I snapped that she isn't quite two yet- and she is running off of no nap and a long day. I shouldn't have to explain the reasons behind the fit, nor should you feel the need to stop and inform her how nasty she is being! So take your well behaved grandson out and leave me to MY kid. U

Ughhhh!

Adventures in potty-training

We have successfully potty-trained McKenzie. She has very few accidents now. I think I may venture out in panties tomorrow(with lots of back-ups in our diaper bag)!

If we survive this weekend I'll send her to daycare in panties on Monday.

Wish us luck!

Ccchanges!

Last night the health care reform bill passed in the senate. Surprise. Please don't speculate that I think our current plain is all roses and daisies; however, it seems a little much for my liking. My friends in Canada and the UK remind me often of waiting MONTHS to see a Primary Care Physician an and that just sucks(for lack of a better term). Government funded abortions make me want to vomit. Do what you need to do, but I don't think my taxes should have to fund your decision.

A friend of mine explained about vaccines being forced upon us. If we opt not to, we don't get coverage?!? Seems a little extreme, eh? I vaccinate McKenzie, but we've delayed several and rejected some.

I am all for some reform. However, I am quite happy investing in our health care and although I'll admit my family has decent coverage and that may make some believe my stance is bias; I also think some folks will take advantage of the situation. Why work for health care when we get it for "free."

I laugh when people refer to it as FREE. Who is it free for? Those who don't work, but can. Those who opt out of health care, but CAN get it. Remember folks, we have always had Medicare for our elderly, Medicaid for our children and poor. So who exactly benefits from this?


Enough political talk.


McKenzie has been running around stark naked today. She has successfully peed on the potty 4 times. Woo Hoo. The last time I assumed she didn't have to go(we sung wheels on the bus until my voice hurt). She went into the living room, sat her naked bum on my couch, and her eyes lit up. She RAN to the bathroom- insisted I sing AGAIN- and poof... PEE!! We hugged, kissed, kissed some more per her request, wiped a few hundred times- and flushed and waved bye bye to her Pee Pee. She then was rewarded with 2 M&M's.

Maybe, just maybe, she's getting the concept. The last potty session reminded me of that since she independently RAN back in there. Who knew going potty would involve such a song and dance(literally)!

Birthday parties and Halloween!

Kenzie had a great time at her friends 2nd birthday. Soon her time will come. 25 days and counting.... She especially enjoyed the sandbox. She had sand in places, sand shouldn't occupy.

No fear at all with the bounce house. Loves it.

What nearly tw0-year old doesn't enjoy a cupcake?

Hayden as some random Star Wars guy. No idea which one as they're not on my top list of movies...

My sister as Marlyn Monroe

Me as a chubby 8o's concert girl. Still trying to brush out the tangles.

Bumblee bees all around!

Kali

Arabian


Kenzie

Angry Bee....

After weeks of waiting for her costume; this coming after weeks of attempting to find the perfect costume... She. Hates. It. Not a little bit....
But a whole lot...

She seems satisfied being held

Hopefully, it'll grow on her in the next few weeks!

Weekend Rambels

Saturday we went to see Hayden play baseball. As soon as I figure out how to combine the videos I took I'll make sure to add a video of his hit and subsequent base run. I have to admit, bias or not, he is stinkin' adorable in that uniform and he plays really well for being such a little guy.
My sister and I also took our parents out last night for their 30th wedding anniversary. This is huge. The fact that they're still married is amazing enough, but thirty ears is pretty darn impressive.
Kenzie is learning leaps and bounds every. single. day. She has learned a handful of new words over the weekend. Inside, outside, Elmo, baseball, Fire Truck(ermm, fire fruck), just to name a few. I know this is the "sponge" age and all, but it simply amazes me watching her figure out the smallest of things.

Today is all about football. I am not doing so well in Fantasy Football today; however, for a small second I actually thought the Buc's may win today to help sponge up some of that sorrow. Not a chance; they're trailing. AGAIN.

Just a friendly reminder if you haven't submitted a recipe and a memory for Zoey's cookbook- tomorrow is the deadline. If anyone is interested in purchasing a cookbook they're 20 dollars with shipping.

Ughhh...

Fever. Again.

Enough said.

Zoo Day

Today we went to the zoo. I know this is totally against my whole animal in captivity thing; however, making your kid happy tends to surpass that belief. We still have no plans on ever visiting the circus. My work offered free passes for me and a guest through the entire month of September, so we met some friends and off we went. Kenzie's favorite part was the jungle gym. She has decided that if it doesn't bark or meow she isn't touching it. I can't blame her really. However, she has saved us some dollars for her birthday party as we know a pony would not entertain her.

She loved sitting in her friends stroller. It is a pretty cool ride. I may be able to justify buying one if we had more than one baby- but for now she'll have to pitch a ride when she visits with her buddies.

We were able to feed the giraffes'. This was MY favorite part. Their tongues literally wrapped around my whole hand in an effort to get the cracker. I wanted to kiss them. I tend to think they may not have obliged my request.

Duane tried effortlessly to get McKenzie to pet the pony. He was really sweet. He constantly nibbled and grabbed Duane's clothes. I assume he wrongly speculated that we had food. Sorry, buddy!

All and all it was a good time. So much so that Kenz is enjoying a long nap. Life is good.

Complex thoughts....

I can vividly remember the anger I had with God after Zoey died. We(meaning Duane, my family, myself) were his faithful followers after all. I sat by her bedside in the hospital praying to him, wishing for one of those miracle healing that I had read about.

It never came. I watched baby after baby be discharged. Listen as parents received hopeful news about their babies... and we sat.. waiting, praying, hoping.

I used to rationalize with her condition. She must be SO special to God. She's going to grow up and use her stories to be a witness for his ways. She would have a beautiful testimony after all.
7 weeks after she was discharged and was thriving, I'd often tell people about how I had NO idea why God made her with a broken heart. I had no reasons for her many medical issues. However, I know that God knows I couldn't possibly live without her.. I would lose it.. I would die... She had purpose and her testimony was bringing the most unfaithful people into God's house to pray. I was grateful for her.

That late July day where she begin to struggle to breathe and the ambulance workers whisked her away to safety... I prayed. I was on my knees as the police came in... On my knees yelling and shouting at the lord to save her... Please work a miracle.. Please allow her tiny little heart to beat again...

We arrived at the hospital only to learn that no miracle had been performed. She wasn't coming home this time. Our lives would forever change in less than an hour. We went from a family of three to just us again. The evening we came home everything so empty.
I remember going into her room.. Shouting, yelling.. So angry with this circumstance. Why me, Lord? Why us? Why not the mothers I read about who obviously don't love their children. Why not the mother who has multiple babies the cannot afford and seem not to care about. Why not the mother who opts to party through life, shuffling their babies from one sitters to another... Why us?

I had a plethora of questions for him. None of which ever seemed to have an answer. Today, three years later, I don't care about the answer. I look to the skies and realize that one day I'll have my sweet girl again. I often think about asking God at Heavens gates about why he decided he needed her more than us. Today that doesn't matter. I am sure once we get there the only thing I'll care about is how happy I am to be reunited with her again.

I was talking with my sister who made a VERY valid thought. It made perfect since. I asked her the same thing, "Why us?" And she said why NOT you. At first this angered me. However, I looked at the complex question and came to realize that in some odd way she was right. At least for me. Somehow in all the heartache I have come through this loss. My faith stronger than ever. Zoey's testimony is MY testimony and I share about her ALL. THE. TIME.
I think that maybe, just maybe, God knew that those "horrible" mothers I mentioned before couldn't REALLY deal with this sort of loss. That maybe he knew that somehow I'd make it through and work harder than ever to regain my trust and faith in him. That maybe, just maybe, those other mothers would fall of the track completely... They'd lose faith.. and ultimately lose him. And although that brings little comfort my hunger to be with our daughter again.. it makes sense. God really did understand that I would be able to come out of this grief and still sing his glory. Maybe, just maybe, the other Mother wouldn't.

Say.. CHEESE!!

McKenzie's new favorite thing to do when she see's a camera is to say Cheese while flashing her pearly whites at the camera!

Below you'll find some products of this new favorite hobby. Hey, at least I can get photos of her actually looking at the camera!

McKenzie: You're 21 months old!

Oh, Baby Girl. 21 months old is hard for Mommy to mutter from my mouth. Saying you're 21 months makes me realize that you're SO ridiculously close to two and I am still in denial about that. I think I have spent a nice chunk of your life stating how fast you're growing. Today is no different. You're a vivacious little spirit. Some people may assume this means you're spoiled to the core; however, they're only partially correct. You remind me of myself. Not just with the stories that Nanny shares with me from my own toddler hood, but even now in adulthood. You're stubborn,opinionated, funny, and full of energy. You're constantly testing new boundaries and hate for anyone to detour you from your desires. NO is not in your vocabulary and I am sure you're sick of hearing it ALL. THE. TIME. Even though you can be trying for your Father and I we are very grateful for your independent personality.

You're learning to talk more and more everyday. You tell us each time you've done your business in your pants and often insist on wearing your panties. You typically remember that "I peeped" a tad too late but you are understanding the concept. You LOVE making animal sounds and banging your hands on your chest like a monkey. It's probably the cutest thing I have ever witnessed.

You have also learned to do motions to all of your favorite songs. You're favorite song is "The Wheels on the Bus!" And you LOVE making your hands "honk" the horn. You LOVE saying, Beep, Beep, Beep! Again. Adorable.

You're a little sponge. Often as adults we slowly lose that curiosity we had as children. I hope you never will. Keep it, Kiddo!

You LOVE three things almost as much as your Mommy and Daddy. The Paci, The blankey, and Yo Gabba Gabba.

We're working on you losing that bink here shortly, much to your dismay. It'll be a bittersweet moment in my life as it is the last piece of your babyhood.

What seems like every. two. minutes. You hand us the remote and protest your love for DJ Lance and his friends. You INSIST on playing Yo Gabba Gabba- Saying, Gabba Gabba over and over until we're ready to pull our hair out. The show is oddly entertaining for both Daddy and I- and watching how excited you get when the theme song comes on melts my heart....

You love, love, love, your blanket. This wasn't something you were attached to until close to a year, but you've been an addict ever since. You have lots of loveys, but this is by far your favorite. You rub it on your cheek as you lay down for sleep... Insist on eating breakfast with it... and drag it to places NO blankey should go. You LOVE it.

You've been in daycare for three-months now. I honestly was coming to terms that you may never adjust. However, it true Kenzie fashion it just clicked. One day you decided this place wasn't all that bad and you enjoyed it. You now RUN into your classroom and often embarrass Daddy by refusing to leave(Don't do that to Mommy, OK)?!

You have many friends there and you and another little girl are often caught in a corner rocking and loving on baby dolls. You tell me ALL about Donna(one of your teachers) at bath time.

I was SO guilty leaving you at first. Now I can see how happy it makes you. It's really allowed to to socialize with other kids and a lot of your quirks are disappearing. You've learned SO much since starting there and all together we're a happier family now.

In closing I wish words could express how much I love you. I often ponder about life before you came and it was so dull. You definitely complete our family sweet girl. Keep up your craziness and know that through all the chaos we wouldn't change one single thing about you.

Love you to the moon and back,

Mommy

Another year goes by

I've come to the realization that I don't need anyone else to recognize her soul. Not a single person ever needs to mention her to me anymore. I am satisfied with that reality. I finally grasp three-years later that it's an awkward conversation that most family and friends do not want to focus on.

I can focus on her. I can remember from our pregnancy memories together, to each happy day she graced us with her beauty, throughout her death, and throughout my life.. Until I take that very last breath God gives me.

I miss her. And somehow with time and grace I've learned to accept life without her physical beauty in it. I can remember her, love her, honor her. I can feel pride when her baby sissy points to her pictures and says, "Awww, Baby!" I can feel the bond they share without McKenzie having the vocal capabilities to share it with me.

It's the most surreal moments in life. Three-years can feel like an eternity and a second in the very same moment. Surreal. I've thought long and hard. Tried to rationalize the reasons for her life, death, the absence of a part of my soul. I've Begged and pleaded, screamed at God, Anger, and happiness, Tears and sorrow. I can remember the months after her death- the "pit" that I found myself in.. The pit I can STILL find myself in.

I've learned how to be happy despite my incredible misfortune. I've learned how to feel blessed, despite her absence. Three- years. A long time. A lot of thinking and contemplating. A lot of un-answered questions. Guilt, pain, fear, anger, sorrow- all the typical emotions after losing a child.

I can finally accept that she is gone from this Earth. That I'll never see that crooked bink- that crazy, wild hair, that silly smile- the determination on her face on this side again. I can find happiness that Yesterday's heartache isn't tomorrow's destiny.

Missing, Loving, longing, for my Sugar Butt. My sweet, beautiful, Zoey Faith.

photo's from the weekend

We're half-potty training around here. She's gone poopy twice on the potty- but nothing consistant yet. However, she ask to go- All. The. Time. I think she just likes to wear her new panties! Cheesing for the camera! She MUST do her business in the nude. Interesting!

Saturday we met some friends at the Orlando Science Center. Kenzie had tons of fun; however, was scared of quite a few of the mechanical thingies. Maybe Disney won't be the best choice for her birthday outing!
Building blocks!

Begging for Yogurt Drops(AKA, toddler crack)!

2nd Doctor Visit

As most of you know Kenzie has been running sporadic fevers for three-weeks now. This is the 2nd visit to this pedi, but the first time we've seen him in over a year. We switched to my favorite pedi when K was 6 months old; however, he doesn't accept her current insurance so we switched back to the pedi we used previous.

What a nightmare! I had a mandatory training at 10 AM so I had to go into work. However, they didn't have a spot with the actual doctor for the afternoon so I went early and rearranged my training for 1PM. Her appointment was at 10:20AM. We didn't even get back there until 11:15AM. She HATES the scale and I asked if we could wait until after the appointment and they huffed and puffed- whatever, weigh her, listen to her scream!

He listened to her- checked her ears- told me her ears were NEVER infected(DUH) and I should discontinue the antibiotic she's been on. He commented on her inner ear being waxy and removed it with some tool that ended up scraping the inside of her ear and she bled, screamed, ect. I felt horrible. He must have made the "dirty ear" comment 10 times before I told him my last pedi told me to only clean the surface of the ear as ears clean themselves and by me doing it I was causing her infections- I was shoving the wax further rather than doing any good. He finally shut-up.

He then went the UTI route. They taped some baggie to her girly parts and needless to say the adhesive got stuck on the inside of her(TMI) and when she finally pee'd and they had to RIP it off her- he made a comment about "Aren't you dramatic!" Hello? Let me rip tape off your crotch, Jerk! Surprise- NO UTI. But the most hysterical part is she wouldn't pee on comand. He kept saying, "Go pee-pee" and she was prompt to shake her head no at him. That's my girl. So he stated he couldn't wait for the sample and for us to wait the HOUR while he went to LUNCH! What?!

All of that and he thinks she's too active to be sick. And never had a positive reading for a fever in office(Hello, I told you they're sporadic and she had Motrin this morning)! And bring her back if it comes back! Yah, right! Not happening! Ahh, and I said so can she go to school? His response, "No!" What? I thought she wasn't sick? Am I suppose to keep her home for a decade?

Annoying! New pedi hunt until open enrollment and I can switch to the more pricey insurance that covers our favorite pedi! What a Jerk

!I never did get back to work as I didn't leave there until well after 2PM! And...He did manage to lecture me about her having a paci? Hmm? Her ear is bleeding from you; you've ripped tape from her crotch, layed all 300 pounds of yourself on her to hold her still, and you have the audacity to tell me about a pacifier?

Topicless post

Yep, you hear that correctly, topicless. Is that even a word? Probably not!

Little Miss is still running random, high, fevers. So, taking a half-day tomorrow to take her back to her pediatrician. Demanding to see the actual doctor and making them do blood work(this may require multiple people to hold her down as she bucks like a bronco)! We're on week three of these fevers.

Duane still feels horrible. His meds don't seem to be affecting his sinus pressure and they should be for the price we were charged for them. Got to love my house right about now!

Kenzie asked to go "pooooop" today. Climbed onto the big toilet and went. I was shocked to say the least. She completed her duty by trying to plug the toilet with ten-pounds of toilet paper and clapping for herself in excitement. Too bad her goofy daycare wants to wait until they move her to the two-year old room. Let's get moving, people! I am ready for panties!

Yesterday was our Anniversary. Four whole years! Dinner at the melting pot. Kenz stayed with her Auntie and enjoyed "bumping" on the trampoline. Not a single tear for her Mama. Ahhh!

Work should be exciting tomorrow. Around 300, 000 customers being added to our systems. Woot! Seriously? I cannot wait- sarcastically speaking of course!

Well, that is our weekend in a nutshell! Hope yours was just as exciting!

For the Grand Parents

Here are Some of McKenzie's words(Including Papa and Nanny.. We're still working on Grandma)!Notice the temper fit at the beginning? Oh, the joys of raising a toddler!

I.Could. Scream.

Ahhhhh! For the last two weeks Kenzie has been the carrier or random, sporadic, fevers- adding a bit of vomit for good measure.

Doctors appointment failed any real results other than the typical, "slightly red ear," AKA: No idea what we're doing so this diagnoses sounds good to us.

Duane has been staying home with her as I am still in my probationary period at work and today he's spiking a 103 fever. Thankfully, Kenzie's seems gone, so off to school she goes. However, lets pray Duane is able to take another day off work to attempt to re cooperate his self.

Oi. I am tired. Praying I don't get this funk as I cannot stay home and I am looking forward to a yummy dinner out on Saturday for our anniversary!

PS: Totally contemplating chopping my locks off this weekend. Hmmm? Should I go there?

Back from the land of the cornfields

I took a ton of photos;however, I am too lazy to upload so they can be viewed here.

However, I do have a hysterical video to share of my 16 year old cousin. Freakin' hysterical.

House full of sickies..

Kenzie and I are both sporting nasty colds. Hopefully, she is on the mend. Friday was her last day of daycare before we head to Ohio on Tuesday. Daddy is watching her tomorrow since she's a bit sick to go to a friends house.

She's feisty and stubborn regardless of her cold. Wiping her nose is like pulling teeth. Tranquilizers anyone?

Honestly it's been a boring week around here. Other than the fact that The King Of Pop, a Charlie's Angel, and good old Ed McMahon died last week. Crazy. Guess it really does happen in threes. Despite Michael's hobbies, I loved his music. Particularly the Free Willy Song.

So obviously we have nothing new to talk about around here. I'm sure when we get back I'll have loads of fun pictures and great times to share about.

Uh Oh.. It's potty-training time.

Read the books and the warning signs are far different from the ones little Ms. Kenzie has been displaying. However, since birth this little product of perfection(Mommy bias only of course!) has marched to her own drummer since birth. She's not reading the baby books and she decides when she wants to use the John!

So- for over month Kenzie has been taking off her diaper(even with pants on) when she has gone number 2. If she cannot manage to get it off, she grabs at her crotch to inform us that she isn't a fan of what is in her britches.

When she does take her diaper off she proceeds to find a corner and does her business. Nice. Sometimes the dog is nice enough to clean up after(I think I taste vomit in my mouth). Yesterday Duane and I finally realized that maybe she is indeed ready. Why you ask?

Well after she went in a corner(of course we don't catch her doing this until it's too late in most circumstances) she proceeded to take her droppings to the toilet and drop it in. Afterwards she threw some toilet paper in there and insisted I flush. I didn't know if I should cheer her on or be disgusted.

So after vacation we're getting seat for the toilet and trying to see if this new found independence will favor us in the long run.

An entire post in three words.

Golden Corral sucks!

Paranoia gets the best of me... Again

This weekend I watched a video(a bit too graphic to post) regarding forward facing car seats versus rear facing car seats. It instantly tugged at my heart because Kenzie has been forward facing since about 15 months.

After watching the video I instantly wanted to turn her and I was able to without issues in my car since her Britax rear faces to 35 pounds. Duane's car seat doesn't, though. We bought it just for pickups from daycare which is literally a two minute drive home. I thought about it, obsessed over it, called a few good friends about it- and finally came to my own conclusion that I had to get her another seat for his car, too. This way he could switch her as well. Oddly enough my Mother called me to tell me about a segment on Good Morning America she watched regarding the EXACT same thing. Call it a sign or whatever, Kenzie's little bum was going to ride rear facing.

The difference with crash dummies is drastically different from forward facing children to Rear facing children. The only regrets I have currently is turning her around in the first place. Better safe than sorry, right?

So I didn't want to take a total loss for the Nautilus I bought for Duane's car so I posted it on Craigslist and within 2 hours had a buyer. Sold. Used that cash towards the cost of a new rear facing seat. So we're rocking a new seat in Duane's car!

Obviously my point is to share my own paranoia with those fellow readers not to attempt to pursue anyone in either direction. It works for us and I've mentioned before that I promised to listen to my gut when Zoey died and it hasn't failed me sense!

Bummer. I am growing up!

Each day that passes me by I've learnt to stop depending on other people. I really am trying to focus on the reality that is life. Nothing is ever set in stone and our world is an ever changing dose of reality that sometimes just stinks(for lack of a better term).

Today at work I learned that the schedule I was promised doesn't exist. Since my options are limited I have committed to talking with my manager to see if we can work something out that benefits me as well as the company.

The World continues to rotate on its axis and I sometimes find myself daydreaming about today. How did I get where I am. I mean. Seriously? Marriage, births, deaths, work, no work, and here I am. Still trucking along pretending that I am an adult in this very grown up world. However, I feel oblivious to what the Hell or where the Hell I am and how I got here.

Please don't attempt to speculate that I am depressed or unhappy with where life has taken me. I totally am not(at least not anymore). I am in constant awe of the beauty that is my life. The beauty of watching our daughter develop through the stages of life and the surreal feeling that I am her mother. I am still in shock that two daughters later that, me, Lisa, is a Mom.

Zoey's death is a reminder of just how oblivious I am. Some days I cannot believe we're approaching the 3 year mark since her death- other's it seems like an eternity since I last felt her skin.

When you speak with an elder it's assumed that I know nothing. I used to think that was a degrading comment, but in reality it's the truth. At 27 life is merely smacking me in the face. The twist and turns of an unexpected ride. 27 seems SO old to me- yet 18 seems SO young.

Sometimes I wonder if I knew now what I didn't know then- how different would my life would be. Who knows, right? I guess that's why in this crazy life there are no second chances-Take the experiences you've learned with and utilize them in future situations.

Crazy. I'm 27, married, a Mommy. I've seen things I've never imagined I'd ever see. Still dreaming of things I want to see. And the Lord and the World continue to hold my fate. Again! It's surreal!

A little bit of nothing and some photos

As titled, nothing to really blog about. Work is crazy busy out of nowhere. But at least I don't have to be concerned about getting a pink slip anytime soon. Kenzie is slowly adjusting to daycare life. Today she actually asked to be put down(don't cheer for her, she quickly realized what down meant)! She's still the cutest kid in class(yes, I remain partially bias). Currently thanking the Heavens that tomorrow is Friday- which means water day for Kenzie at school. And that's about it folks. Hopefully, my life will become more exciting.

Sleeping- bum in the air- and her blankey close as ever Long toddler hair(blonde and fine, fine, fine)

Loving the toothbrush(es)